Forever Lost, Forever Mine
by Fallen Jezebel
Summary: Bella's life, torn apart by scandals and lies. Bella's been shunned by the group. She's accepted her fate, that she'll be nothing more than a dirty whore. AU, AH. BxE BxJ RxEm
1. Coming Back

**Author's note:**

**Well, this is my first story, so I apologise in advanced it it's not up to par with perhaps your expectations. I found this story on my lap top, which I had started to write a while back ago, so some of it may be a little bit sketchy on a few parts, but other than that, I decided to upload it and see what will happen. So enjoy, don't forget to review and tell me what you think of it, much appreciated. **

**Bella Swan: 19 years old, sister to Emmett, ex-girlfriend of Edward's, currently single.**

**Emmett Swan: 21 years old, older brother of Bella, currently dating Rosalie Hale.**

**Alice Cullen: 19 year old, adoptive sister of Edward, currently dating Jasper Whitlock.**

**Edward Cullen: 20 years old, adoptive brother of Alice, currently dating Tanya, ex is Bella.**

**Rosalie Hale: 20 years old, sister of Jasper, currently dating Emmett, ex-boyfriend is Phil Dwyer.**

**Jasper Whitlock: 20 years old, twin brother of Rosalie, currently dating Alice Cullen.**

**Phil Dwyer: 22 years old, currently dating Renee (Bella's mum and forty years old), ex-girlfriend Rosalie Hale.**

Bella's POV

'My life fucking sucked,' was the only thought that replayed through my mind over and over. I felt like shit, and blasting music through earphones could only help so much. I received several dirty looks from people on the subway. They hurriedly looked away when I glared. _Fuck. Off._

My life sucked so fucking badly, that I had to run away from Renee and Phil – ugh, just thinking about _his_ name makes me want to pinprick myself to death- to some town in Alaska to live with my older brother, Emmett. I hope he would be chill about the surprise visit – actually, fuck that, I didn't care if he was fine with it or not. When he left for Alaska, we weren't exactly on speaking terms, simply because he took Rosalie, his girlfriend, side of the story over mine. I know he's my brother, but . . . _what a fucking dickhead!_

_Flashback_

_Rose and I were thoroughly enjoying ourselves at 'the party of the year' as Phil had dubbed it._

_"__To the two hottest bitches at this party!" Rosalie shouted and we toasted our sodas together and laughed._

_Out of nowhere, Rosalie shouted over the music, "I think Phil is cheating on me!" _

_I let out a shocked gasp. _

"_There is no way he's cheating on you, Rosalie! I've seen the way he looks at you . . . he loves you."_

_She looked doubtful for a second. "I guess you're right," she said, but her tone faltered and I knew she was simply just saying that._

"_Hey, Bella." Edward was suddenly in front of me, his arms finding my waist and his lips touching my forehead. I lean up against him, my head fitting into the crook of his neck. I couldn't help but breathe in his heavenly scent._

"_I love you, Edward," I whispered into his ear as he gently hoisted me up off my feet._

"_I love you too," he murmured back to me. The music around us seemed to fade and reality tuned itself out as I fell into the bottomless ocean of vivid green eyes.__His head dipped down to meet mine. There was a fire ignited within me as his lips devoured my own, and I couldn't help but grab his hair and shove him closer. _

"_Ahem." Oops. I disentangled myself from Edward's body and he groaned in protest. I had forgotten Rosalie was still standing in front of me. Sometimes, when I was with Edward, it felt overwhelming. He was the most serious I could imagine getting with anyone. I trusted him with my life. I wanted to give him everything. Yeah, virginity included._

"_Phil!" Rosalie squealed. I overlooked and saw a body wrapping itself around her from behind. She turned around and managed to give Phil a kiss on the cheek. In all my life, I had never seen Rosalie look so happy before._

_The pair sat down on a leather couch across from Edward and I, who currently had me sitting with my legs tucked underneath me on his lap._

"_Hey Bella," he smiled at me. I managed a polite hello in return, and snuggled my head back into Edward's muscular chest._

_I just lay there against Edward for a few blissful minutes, before my phone vibrated, alerting me of a new text message. It was from Phil._

_Hey, got a gift 4 Rosalie. Want 2 cum with me and get it?_

_I sat up on Edward's lap, and texted back._

_Okay, sure._

"_Rosalie, babe, I'll go grab us some drinks. Bella, want to come help me?" Phil looked at me expectantly._

"_Sure." I pecked Edward on the cheek before ducking into the crowd, with Phil leading the way. __As we neared the spiralling staircase, the music became horrendously loud._

"_It's upstairs," Phil screamed, and I managed a nod and followed him up. We reached his room and he closed the door behind us. I shot him a questioning look, but his back was turned to me._

_"__Where's her gift? I bet you got her a bracelet or-" Phil suddenly attacked me. He grabbed my arms and pinned me against the wall, his lips rough against mine. I claw and shove him away as best as I could._

"_What the fuck!" I shrieked at him._

"_Come on, let's have some fun. You know you want it." Phil kept his arms pinned on each side of me. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and licked his lips. I was close to vomiting._

"_Phil, what the hell do you think you're doing? You're with Rosalie!"_

"_Oh, come on, Bella!" Phil groaned out in exasperation. I shuddered as he leaned into my hair and breathed me in. "You're way hotter than Rose," he whispered to me. I was disgusted and so fucking repulsed that my limbs were close to trying to commit suicide right there on the spot._

"_You sick bastard," I seethed, my eyes turning into slits. I shoved him off of me, which took a great deal of effort, and stumbled towards the door. I was viciously yanked back by Phil and once again assaulted by his lips. "NO!" I gasped out, clawing at his steel-hard chest. _

_But it was no use. He pushed me back roughly onto his bed, his weight holding me down as I tried to push up. "That feels good," he moaned. I felt so disgusting, so scared. So I cried._

"_STOP! Please, Phil, stop! Please! STOP!" By now I was hysterical. I struggled against his grip. No matter how much I shoved, pushed, screamed, shrieked, cried, he revelled in it. That night, I became tarnished. Tainted. My innocence was gone. I was powerless against Phil. He raped me and that was that._

_I think I fell unconscious after the fifth time, because by the time I woke up, it turned into pandemonium. Rosalie walked in. She saw me, naked under the sheets, with an asleep Phil's arms tightly wrapped around me. _

"_Rosalie – " Tears began to well up. I was so desperate to tell her what happened. What he did to me. _

"_You fucking slut!" she screamed, and raged at Phil's room, violently smashing a vase. It would take an army of chainsaws to wake Phil._

"_Wha . . . ? Rose, it's not what it looks like," I stuttered, trying to untangle myself from the sheets._

_She cut me off again. "You stupid fucking backstabbing whore! Phil cheated on me with __**you?**__ And here I thought you had dropped Phil home! You send me a fucking text saying you left to drop him home, and then half an hour later you text me again saying you've crashed at home yourself, and look what I fucking find! You ugly bitch! Wait until Edward finds out just how cold hearted and how whorish you really are!" Angry tears slid down her face. I was sure my mouth hung open. I barely said a word about what happened. She didn't even let me explain. Fucking Phil, that bastard._

"_I thought you were my friend, Bella." Her voice dropped into a choked whisper. Without a moment's hesitation, she grabbed a water bottle off the table next to her and hurled it at Phil's head. He groaned, tightening his grip on me involuntarily. I shuddered out of disgust. It pissed Rosalie off even more. "Wake up, you asshole!" _

_He was startled awake. "The fuck?" he sputtered, bolting upright._

"_We're through!" she shrieked. And then she ran._

_Phil remained in bed. I just lost my best friend. And my boyfriend. As I opened the door, re-dressed and tears pouring silently, Phil spoke. "You know you wanted it. You're mine now. A dirty slut. __**No one will ever want you**__." I fled for my life._

_Emmett was asleep when I arrived home, and I tried my hardest to scrub the feeling of Phil off my body. The body of a whore. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I was a dirty whore, and this dirty feeling would never go away._

_I dressed in sweatpants and a jumper to hide the bruises.__ Every part of my body ached and rippled in pain as I lay down in bed. I fell asleep, crying and dreaming of horrors I never knew existed until last night. _

_When I was woken up by so much pain the next day, I vowed to tell Edward what happened. Phil had set it up so perfectly to look like we were having an affair. And I knew people would believe Phil more, after all, he had more authority, seeing as he was three years older than me. Technically it counted as child-rape, seeing as I was seventeen and Phil was twenty. I hoped Edward knew me better than that and believed me. I tried to close my eyes and find slumber, but each time I did, the memories found its way to repeat itself over and over. _

_I made myself still and silent as Emmett approached my door._

"_Good morning, Bellsy," Emmett boomed, picking me up out of my bed and into a bear hug. I bit my lip and tried not to gasp at the sudden explosion of pain all over my body. I tried not to hyperventilate, either. _

_Phil had similar physical structure to Emmett, and even though Emmett was my brother, I wasn't sure what to expect anymore._

"_Morning Emmy."_

"_What's wrong?" Damn it. Emmett and I were so close, so of course he knew something was up. But I didn't have the heart to tell him. He'd look at me like Rosalie had. But he was my brother? Couldn't I trust my own brother anymore?_

"_Nothing, I just feel a little sick." I closed my eyes, and tried to stop the tears that threatened to come undone. He hesitated as he turned the handle of my door. He definitely knew it was something deeper than that. But he just left. I guess we weren't close after all. _

_My tears hardened a few moments later when I heard Emmett and Edward arguing outside. Oh God. Not now._

"_Dude, she's sick. I think you guys can last one day without seeing her." Guys? Who else was outside my door? My fears intensified. Phil?_

"_I need to talk to her," Edward stated firmly, holding his ground. Please, Emmett, don't let them in, I begged silently in my head._

"_Emmett, let Edward talk to her," Rosalie demanded. Shit. There was no way I was going to survive this. Emmett and Rosalie were best friends, so of course he obeyed her. I always thought the two of them would end up together, but now I was hoping that Emmett would just hate her for making me cry, as pathetic as it sounds._

_There was a knock on my door. I freaked out. "Go away, I don't feel so good." My voice cracked twice, but I guess it gave me a more sickly effect. Regardless, my door was pushed open and Edward strode in and slammed the door behind him. The sound made me jump and instantly reminded me of when Phil locked us in. I breathed raggedly and kept my head firmly on the mattress, looking at the wall._

"_Bella." I never heard him so angry before. He knew. _

"_Yes?" I sat up and looked at him. I was momentarily stunned at how calm I sounded. I should've been in hysterics and begged Edward to kill Phil by now._

"_Did you really?" It wasn't really a question; more of an accusation. He actually thought I was capable of doing such a thing. I couldn't say anything now. I felt ashamed. If I told him Phil raped me, he'd probably laugh harshly in my face. _

"_You slut."_

_"__What?" I felt like I had been hit by a freight train. _

"_Slut," he spat out bitterly. The impact was similar to a freight train plunging through me and tearing me in half. "It's what you call someone who cheats on their boyfriend and hurts their best friend. We're finished, Bella. Don't call me, don't try and see me. I never want to speak or even look at you again."_

_He abruptly left, slamming the door in the process. Memories hit me over and over, and the tears wouldn't stop._

_Apparently Emmett went out to dinner with Rosalie and Edward later on that night. He didn't even bother to check with me beforehand. When he came home, he yelled at me._

"_How the hell could you do that to Edward? To Rosalie?" His voice had rose, incredulous with each passing syllable, reaching its peak at the mention of Rosalie. He blamed me for Rosalie's sadness. No one even suspected Phil. They had forgiven him. He claimed I seduced him. No one cared that I was underage, or that Phil was strong and I was not._

_Everything just jumped from bad to worse. Emmett became distant from me, and spent all his time with Rosalie. Eventually, the two hooked up and made their relationship official. Emmett didn't even look at me by that point. Everyone had abandoned me. There was honestly no doubt about it. All ties had been cut. No one wanted to look at me, to talk to me. No one trusted me anymore. I couldn't take it. One time, when I stumbled over my own feet in the bathroom and accidentally cut my wrist against the razor near the bathtub, I was suddenly aware of the moment of clarity that I had. I focused on the pain, and nothing but the pain. It became a habit after a while. Then the pain became too much, so then regular visits to the pharmacy also became a habit. Until that habit became full-fledged. No one knew, no one cared to know, and I didn't feel obliged to show the world. I hid my dirty little secrets as best I could._

_My distaste in clothes became more prominent as I resorted to wear black all the time. It was bleak. It blended in. Nothing really to it. Like me, I suppose._

_I could tell that Emmett wanted me completely out of his life. It hurt, but I was a whore, right? I was reminded harshly, on a rare occasion they'd talk to me, only to tell me that I was nothing but a dirty whore who fucks everyone over and ruins everything she touches. One night I just packed all my stuff and trudged down the stairs, but was stopped in my tracks by drifting laughter. _

_The laughter suddenly stopped when I walked into the room. Emmett had his arm around Rosalie's shoulder while Alice and Jasper sat next to each other. _

_Jasper turned away, a glint of shame etched into his face. A short pulse of anger surged; I had tried talking to Jasper about it, but he always mumble some sort of excuse to leave me alone to all of my problems. _

_When I turned my eye to the left of me, my breath was cut short. Edward was with another girl. She had strawberry blonde hair and flawless teeth that she bared at me in a slightly open mouthed glare. I realised everyone – apart from Jasper - was glaring at me. I brushed my hair over my face, yanked my hood up higher over my head, and lifted my suitcase. So much for Edward not ever wanting to see my face again. I guess parading a blonde bitch around hurt just as much._

"_Where are you going?" I stopped dead in my tracks. It had been the first thing Emmett had said to me in what felt like months. It was mainly Rosalie reminding me I was a whore, along with Alice. Emmett never joined in, nor did he stop it. I simply did what he had done to me over the past weeks, months: ignore and leave._

_I was putting my suitcases into the back of my beat up truck when I was startled by Emmett suddenly behind me. A sliver of hope found its way to my near dead heart. Did he want me stay?_

"_Bella, where are you going?" Everyone was listening by the door._

"_Is that all you have to fucking say?" I snapped back at him._

"_What the fuck is your problem, Bella?" My problem? Was he fucking serious? He never noticed his sister stumbling around in the bathroom, puking her guts out? Of course not, he was always out with Rosalie._

_Instead of trying to convince me to stay like I hoped he would, he grabbed my last suitcase and threw it into the truck._

"_Fuck it, fine. Go, I don't care. Come back when you can tell me what's wrong with you," he whispered to me._

_I ended up driving from Forks to Phoenix to live with Renee. Living with her was certainly eventful. I barely said a word to her, but she could talk my ear off for hours on end. I lived with her for about a year. She always gushed about this guy that she had started to date, named Phil. It was a coincidence and I didn't think twice about it, until Renee asked him to move in. It was the same Phil that raped me and made my life hell. I completely panicked when I saw him, but I hid it from Renee. Hell, I hid everything. All the punches, kicks, touches, screams, bruises, blood – Renee never found a thing. One night it was just too horrible. I packed a bag of things and bolted through a window to catch a plane to Alaska. Renee always sent Emmett a Christmas card, so I already knew his address._

When I managed to get off the subway, I caught my reflection in one of the bathroom mirrors. I was wearing black skinny jeans and a threadbare black sweater that clung to my skin and hid all the bruises. I had dyed my hair black, and I got it permanently straight. I didn't want any resemblance to the old Bella. Only the brown pain-filled eyes and battered Converse remained.

Throughout the entire taxi ride, I wondered how Emmett would react. So many scenarios ran through my mind, and by the time I pulled up to the house, I had freaked myself out. The huge-ass intimidating house didn't help. I double checked the address. Yeah, it really was his place. Holy shit. It was big. I nervously rung the door bell, and yanked the sleeves over my hands, biting my lip. Emmett answered the door. His eyes widened in shock.

"I got kicked out. Could I, uh, crash here for a bit?" I didn't want to delve into details, so I hoped Emmett didn't question how. Of course he wouldn't. He hates me. Come to think of it, how was I when I thought of this idea? He just stood there silently. I really should have just stayed in Phoenix.

"Um, okay. Bye," I let out awkwardly. I felt uncomfortable as I turned around.

"Fine. But only for a few weeks," Emmett let out reluctantly with animosity spiked under his words. I was still not forgiven, I thought bitterly. Thankfully, nothing about me 'sorting my shit out' was mentioned.

I entered the house, and Emmett dawdled behind me. I was surprised he didn't ask about me at all. Not my appearance or where I've been lately. I would have asked him if he had won the lottery to pay for this house, but the old Bella was dead. Seemed like the old Emmett was, too.

"Third floor, second door on your right," Emmett deadpanned. He didn't even bother to look at me as he side-stepped by.

I dumped the small quantity of clothes I managed to salvage: Three pair of jeans, two shirts, two hoodies, some pyjamas and other essentials. Those other essentials would entail being as such: my razors, my journal that I wrote in every day since the event happened, a mixture of pills, all of my cocaine, and of course, my fake ID.

With a groan, I realised that I would have to find a new drug dealer if I actually managed to stay here for a few weeks. I glanced down at my things and frowned. I had some stuff in the bag from my previous move in with Renee. It was a necklace with a pure encrusted diamond 'E' on a long thing silver chain and a photograph of Edward tenderly kissing my forehead as I crinkled my nose in mock protest. Subconsciously, I held it up in my hands, scrutinizing it.

_It was my birthday, the day that I despised the most. Edward was taking me to his house for it. In my ignorant state, I couldn't fathom why. I learnt why through a close heart attack when I opened the door and everyone yelled at me. "Surprise!" _

_I squealed in fright, my nails quarrying into Edward's arm. By the time I realised, my face was bright red from embarrassment. _

"_Happy birthday, Bella!" Alice and Rosalie greeted me with hugs. Jasper gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and a tight hug._

"_Happy birthday, Jezebel." _

"_Thank you, Jazz." We shared a warm smile and another embrace. He gave me another quick peck, before pointing towards the monstrosity that was indeed my brother. Emmett was making his way through the throng of people to give me his infamous bear hug._

"_Emmett, can't breathe," I gasped out as he crushed my ribs, squeezing the shit out of me. His booming laughter reverberated inside the large Cullen mansion. Emmett gently let me down, and Edward pulled me back into his arms._

"_Show me a bit of love," Alice said, waggling her eyebrows as she held a camera in front of her face. Edward kissed the top of my head, his hand around my waist poking me lightly, which made me laugh a little and scrunch my nose up in a mock-manner. The flash indicated it was done, and Edward handed me a blue parcel. I gasped when the present was revealed. A stunning 'E' lay on a bed of satin, and Edward slowly lifted it out of the box. He breathed all over my neck as he let it rest in between the hollow of my breasts, and I shivered as he gave me a lingering kiss before placing my wavy hair back down._

"_So you'll always have me," he whispered into my ear before pulling me closer to him._

"_Thank you, I love it, Edward." I kissed him with a slight fervour that wouldn't let up, until Emmett somehow wedged in between us. The woes of having an extremely protective older brother. I shooed Emmett off before he could cause any permanent embarrassing damage._

"_I have one too, Bella." Edward untucked a chain necklace that had the letter 'B' on it. He slid it back underneath his shirt. I smiled at him. It wasn't just a simple smile. It was a smile that I pushed everything I couldn't convey words into. I couldn't have been happier._

My hands dived back into the bag, rummaging for a small bag of coke. I always thought about too much shit when I wasn't high. With a triumph 'aha!' I produced a small baggie. I prepared it with my fake ID, laughing at the irony of it, and snorted it with a five dollar note. My high kicked in after a few minutes. My hands kept twitching of its own accord and my heart began to thump erratically.

A knock on my door made me snap my head in its direction in the most painful way. Shit. Emmett could not see me like this. I turned and glanced at my doubled self in the mirror. From what I could see, my eyes appeared dilated.

"Bella, household meeting downstairs," he hollered through the door.

"Bella," he yelled, irritated this time.

"I'm in the shower," I screamed back and fumbled with the faucet.

"There is no shower in your room." What the hell is he talking about? There's one right next to my dresser! Wait, what? I was seeing things.

"I'll be out in a few minutes; I'm taking a freaking shower!" I heard Emmett sigh through the door and leave. For twenty minutes, I sat on the edge of my bed, fidgeting and having small spasms of laughter. I could feel the high began to wear off, so I stumbled past the mirror, and nearly tripped down the stairs. Whoa, this shit was strong.

My vision became a little blurred as I tried to find the living room. Finally, I arrived, and squinted. What the fuck?

"Took you long enough," Emmett mumbled under his breath. I gazed around the room, my eyes going somehow managing going wider than they already were. Fuck. Rosalie, Alice, _and Edward_ were there glaring at me. Jasper remained mute, dully fiddling with the dog tag around his neck. The strawberry blonde girl I saw how many months ago was there, too.

She looked smug as she twirled her necklace. It had 'E' on it as well. My heart thumped. It plummeted down to my stomach, an unknown force striking me downwards. I held my ground, swallowing hard, refusing to let tears streak my face. I was no longer worthy. An 'E' meant nothing anymore. It didn't help that when I looked at Edward, my heart began to constrict. I bit my lip, refusing to cry.

Jasper sent me an odd look as he eyed my twitching hands. I hooked my sleeves over my thumb and stifled back a glare amidst my glistening eyes.

"Look, Bella," Emmett started off, rubbing his neck. I bit my lip nervously. He was kicking me out, wasn't he? In front of everyone. "If you want to stay here, you're going to have to pay $1500 per month." My jaw dropped. I knew he hated me, but seriously? I was his little sister. I remembered Emmett protecting me from everything. I guess I really didn't have a place in his heart anymore. Was this what it really came down to?

"Of course, if that's too much, you can just leave. No one really wants you here anyway. Emmett's obligated since he's related to you, but you're still a backstabbing slut to the rest of us." There it was. The reminder everyone was dying to say. I guess Rosalie was sick of bullshit and voiced her opinions out now.

I glanced at her with dead eyes, and wandered upstairs in a daze. I was shaking as I grabbed for my razor. I pushed my sleeves up, revealing my arms that were covered in countless of bruises, marred by scars and bandages. Everyone still hated me, my mind screamed. Jasper doesn't speak to me anymore. He can't even look at his best friend in the eye. Edward's moved on to someone who's perfect for him – a WOMAN who was physically flawless. He'll always find me repulsive. Tears fell and the razor deepened. I had to let all this shit out somehow. At least I hid it well with gauze. I flipped to a new page in my diary.

May 13th Saturday, 2008

_I've finally made it to Emmett's. He hates me, but how can I hate him? He's my brother still. I think it's just Rosalie's fault. She's brainwashed everyone into hating me. Jasper can barely look at me, and now Edward's got some perfect blonde bimbo on his arm. Why? I still love him. I wish I didn't. _

_Even Alice is harsh towards me. She doesn't even know the whole story! No one does. And plus, I have to pay $1500 rent money. Yeah, that's the extent to how much Emmett must despise me. Do you know how much smack I could get for that? _

_First thing Rosalie says to me is that I'm a slut. It hurts, because it's true. Even Phil found me repulsive. I'm such a fucking waste of space._

_Stupid, worthless whore._

Well, thanks for reading, not really sure about this one, it is my first time writing a FanFiction story, so reviews would be much appreciated! :)


	2. Getting Through

Chapter Two

Cold sweat and hysterical screams into my pillow. Just another typical nightmare. It was two in the afternoon already, but usually I slept through the whole day. The drugs fucked up my sleeping pattern heaps. I was hit by an onslaught of memories as I lathered my hair with my familiar strawberry shampoo. I dressed in a pair of faded black skinny jeans and a black t-shirt and threw a black hoodie over it. I slipped on the 'E' necklace.

"_So you'll always have me." _His words echoed inside my head. I always wanted to have him.

When I reached my room, I took the remaining pills and sighed. I would have to find a new drug dealer fast.

I grabbed my phone and it displayed ten missed calls from Renee. Damn, I was going to have to call her sooner or later. I've run away many times, but I usually came back after a few days. This time, there was no way I was coming back. I was going to have to tell her that. I called, and she answered after the first dial tone. Her voice was frantic.

"Bella, oh Bella!"

"Renee, relax."

"No, Bella. I cannot relax. These running away stunts have to come to an end. Sweetie, Phil and I are so worried about you." Her voice was laced with concern. I scoffed. Yeah. I was sure Phil was worried that his punching bag had run away and he had nowhere else to let out his anger.

"Mum, I'm not coming back." A long pause ensued.

"Isabelle Marie Swan!" Renee all but screeched. "What do you mean you're not coming back?"

"I'm staying with Emmett now. Could you send my truck over?"

"Bella," she whispered sadly. "You're on suicide watch. I can't just let my baby go like that." Fucking hell. I hated when she brought that shit up. It happened a little while after Phil came. You could imagine why . . .

_Flashback _

_I'm tired. So tired. Tired of having nightmares. Tired of living in constant fear. Tired of life. All because of Phil. Fuck it._

_I grabbed my pills, swallowed a handful, and headed for the deserted kitchen. My hands jittered as I grabbed a butcher's knife. It glinted, and my eyes gleamed as I locked the bathroom door. I stripped and dipped into the steaming hot bath. Shit, was the blade sharp. Oh, fuck. I went to deep. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes. There were knocks on the door. I tried to tell them to go away, but my lips didn't seem to want to open. Fine by me. Me dying sounded peaceful. Living? Yeah, consider that my living version of a nightmare._

_Renee calling my name was the last thing I remembered before blacking out. I ended up waking to a hospital bed and my mother's body hovering over me, crying. I had to answer some depression sheet, and lied. I said I was happy, and that I didn't know what the hell I was doing when I cut myself._

_End Flashback_

"Mum," I replied, exasperated. "I actually can't do it anymore. You know I can't stand the smell of blood."

"And apparently you're a terrible liar, too."

"Scouts honour," I said, and hoped Renee would just shut the fuck up.

"Are you sure there's enough – oh wait, there is. Carlisle and Esme helped Emmett buy that house for a late graduation present. Silly me," she muttered. Huh. Edward's parents? Who would've thought . . .

"I'm worried about you, Bella," my mother whispered to me. Something snapped inside.

"Look Renee, I'm nineteen now. Not a small petulant child anymore. I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"Bella!" my mother cried out. "What has gotten into you? This is not the Bella I know!" She sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"You weren't there for half of my life and you think you know me?" I let out a harsh laugh. "Maybe I wanted to escape the claws of a heartless bitch like you." I hung up as she shrieked my name. God, my head was fucking pounding.

I slowly inched my way down the stairs and toward the kitchen, and grabbed a pop tart out of the pantry. I ripped open the foil and bit off a piece. I closed the pantry door and suddenly _he _was in my sight. His perfectly sculpted abs glistened with water and his soaked board shorts hung low on his lips, barely covering his V. It was torture, he was pure torture. I could never have him again, and he hated me. He had a blonde girl, the exact opposite of me, fulfilling everything. All I had was, well, nothing. Just scars.

I was caught by a wave of reminiscence as my eye met his. My attention turned towards his full lips as he opened them to speak. I didn't know what to expect, but certainly not something so blunt after what I considered a 'moment'.

"Are you high?"

I was just about to snap at him until a flurry of blonde hair came speeding toward Edward. From what I could tell, it appeared that she was wearing no clothes. Wait, no, she had a two piece bikini set on – more like rags, I snorted to myself. Enough of being an emotional wreck, I thought to myself. Sarcasm had always been my thing.

"Eddie," she whined in a nasally voice. I wanted to scratch my fingernails down a blackboard and gauge her eyes out at the same time.

"Tanya," Edward murmured back before he was literally attacked by Tanya's lips which broke out into a full make-out session between the two. Bile coated my tongue. I would never be enough.

"I think I just lost my appetite," I said loud enough for them to hear through heavy moans, and threw out what remained of my pop tart. I headed for the front door until Edward called out my name. I furrowed a brow and turned around.

"That's my sweatshirt. I want it back."

Shit. I always wore this. I knew it was Edward's. It was a memory, a scar. Acting nonchalant, I pulled it off, tossing it behind me without a moment's hesitation. It landed on Tanya, which in turn, made her screech like a banshee. I gave a mirthless laugh as I continued to walk.

"Asshole," I muttered to myself.

"What? His glare met mine from a distance.

I slowly made my way back to him, noting Tanya had stalked to the other end of the kitchen to the fridge, out of hearing and seeing range.

"_You're an asshole," _I repeated angrily.

. From my peripheral view, I saw Tanya's bony ass stalking out of the kitchen, a six pack of beer in tow.

"Why don't you go back to your bimbo?" I seethed and glared at him, but the slight pang of jealousy hung in the air. Ugh. It didn't faze him. Instead, he came closer, until I was barricaded inside his arms and his face was right up in mine.

My breathing hitched as I became hyper aware of our proximity.

His eyes searched mine, and something flickered inside his eye. He seemed to shake it off, before he looked back to me.

"Why don't you go back to the guy you cheated on me with?" His voice became a deathly whisper, and his cool minty breath fanned across my face.

I looked away from him. Angrily, I muttered 'fuck you' and nearly had a mental fit trying to suppress the memories of that particular night, amidst other nights.

"Dude, Tanya wants you to come back to the pool . . ." Jasper's voice trailed off as he took in the scene before him. Edward ignored him, and kept his arms firmly in place. I refused to meet his gaze, keeping my head bent.

"Edward?" Jasper said tentatively. I shot him a glare. He instinctively flinched. Edward's senses snapped away from me and towards Jasper. I took my chance. I shoved him off of me and ran out the door, letting it bang shut. Fuck this shit, I needed some time to myself.

When I was safely aboard the subway, I glanced at the people around me. Sometimes, I just wanted to tell someone what happened, to just get it off my chest. But the memories made me cry. So I knew I wasn't ready yet. They probably wouldn't listen anyway. No one would.

A/N Let me know what you guys think!


	3. Drunken Mishaps

**Author's note: Well, I'm glad that at least some people are actually reading this, haha. **

**I'm not really sure what I was mumbling on about with the whole roofies ordeal, I wrote this a while back and have only undergone editing it just in the past 24 hours, and I've edited a fair bit, so enjoy what makes sense of it! **

Chapter Three

I departed down in the dumps of the town, a well-known location for debauchery and drugs. I ended up dwindling down a winding alley. It seemed to be a stroke of luck that a drug deal had been commenced in that exact place. I drew closer to the seller and grinned at what I saw. This boy, perhaps a man, but I doubted it – had quite desirable features. Tanned brown skin with jet black hair that was spiked evenly and dark brown eyes. Such simple features looked like finesse on his muscled body.

The woman he was conversing with toppled off the side of the street and disappeared into the shadows, a bag of cocaine hidden within the folds of her tattered cardigan. I carted my feet forward and stared at this yummy guy.

He didn't look like a druggie. He looked pleasant, sober and . . . normal? That was odd. Perhaps he was trying to pay off a debt. I knew one dealer who resorted to dealing just to pay off his mortgage.

He smiled at me, his eyes seeming to sparkle. "Wanting a fix, I'm guessing?"

I nodded my head. He seemed very willing. "I've got cocaine, pain medication, a bit of speed, some marijuana, there's some roofies stashed here, too . . ." His words continued, but my eyes glazed over at the mention of roofies. Sometimes, I wished Phil had slipped me some of that so I wouldn't remember all the shit he did every time I closed my eyes.

"I just want to forget." Shit, I didn't realise I had said that out loud.

"Roofies," he decided. "Roofies make you forget."

"Uh, sorry," I backtracked. "Um, could I just have a bit of coke, and your pains, they're oxycontin, right?"

I sighed in relief when he confirmed so. I handed him the five hundred dollar bills, still in crisp condition, straight into his awaiting hands.

He introduced himself as Jacob when I asked for his phone number and officially made him my drug dealer. "Bella," I greeted him and shook his extended hand.

"Want to grab some beer?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. Ah, fuck it. "Sure."

We travelled down to the local bar, and ended up in a sea of bikies and prostitutes. It was the first time in two years that I actually had fun.

A few hours and how many shots of vodka and bottles of beer later, the tavern became more crowded. It was already night time.

"Jakey," I slurred, hobbling off my stool and dragging myself closer to his tipsy form that was leaning up against a broken door outside the bar. A cigarette dangled in between his lips. "Bye!" I waved my hand distortedly in front of his face in a departing gesture.

"Naww, Bella Wella! Bells, bells, jingle bells . . ." his voice grew increasingly loud. I guess he was wasted as me. Damn, I loved being drunk. Drunk inhibitions, anyone?

"Yes, Jakey Wakey? Oh my God, let's do an Usher dance!" I giggled, throwing myself into his arms. He laughed and squashed his half-done cig under his boot.

"Let me drive you home, midget," he said, and just to prove his point, he pushed himself up off the wall and loomed over me.

"No giant, you're too drunk. What if you crush me in the car? Give ME the keys. I'm not drunk." I did a few star jumps to prove my point. I ended up sprawled out at his feet.

I pouted at him and he ended up trying to help me up. It resulted into me pulling him down as well. "You're right," he slurred. "I'll squish you. I'm so drunk!" he yelled.

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk." I tried my hardest to imitate an officer. I was rewarded with a low laugh, a pat on the head, and a shiny key dangling in front of my face.

After I jumped on Jacob's back and demanded him to carry me all the way to the car, I did a little squeal of joy at the time. It was already three in the morning! Hell yeah, this was the BEST time to sing.

Even through my haze, I could tell that his car was a beautiful classic, and I giggled, hoping I didn't run over a deer in the process of getting home. Thankfully, I didn't. Instead, the two of us screamed 'Sweet Home Alabama' at the top of our lungs, horribly out of tune, which made me swerve a couple of times. Jacob hiccupped through the chorus and I nearly ran into a mailbox.

Jacob hooted through the window of the car when I pulled up into the driveway. We walked, or tried to. We ended up stumbling through the door.

"SWEET HOME ALABAMA!" Jacob announced loudly, a hiccup shortly following after.

"SHHHH!" I shushed loudly, swatting at his head, which he tried to dodge and fell on to the carpet with a ginormous thud. Served him right, I thought to myself. I leaned over him. "YO' MOM!" I shouted at him, thrusting my pointer finger into his face.

A guffaw emanated from his mouth, which stopped mid-way, sounding like a lamb getting kicked in the stomach. The lights had been flicked on. Emmett appeared holding a crowbar at the end of the hallway, with Rosalie hiding behind him. Alice was clutching at Jasper's sleeve, her eyes darting around furiously. The contours of Jasper's face had hardened, determined to bash the shit out of the intruder. Tanya was whimpering into Edward's shoulder. When they saw it was me and a dude they didn't know, their faces instantly shifted to confusion.

"My mom," Jacob grinned proudly on the floor at his statement. I stopped any movement and assessed our situation. I cawed out a donkey laugh and snorted, tripping over my feet and landing on Jacob's muscular chest.

"Midget!" he cried with indignation, covering his junk.

"What the hell? You're nineteen! Are you drunk?" Emmett squinted at me with a furrowed brow, crowbar still raised defiantly above his head.

"Noooo," I giggled, waving my hands over my face. "I'm not drunk! Watch this: ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA!" I loved my magic trick.

"I so need to learn how to do that," said Jasper, awed. I gave him a small smile, and his grin turned into a frown. He glanced back down, biting his lip.

"Emmy Webby, I ain't drunk." I practiced my gangster pose from my position on the floor, using Jacob as the floorboard, kneeling on him. "I drove us home, dawg. Jacob, muh pimp was gonna drive my bitch-ass home, but bitches don't let their pimps conk out on their homies like that." I tried my best booty bitch pout, and Jacob bellowed out a laugh.

Completely ignoring my amazing acting skills and pure genius, Emmett could just simply not lower his voice. My fucking headache was ready to latch onto his brain and bash the shit out of him. "What the fuck! You drove home? Bella, are you insane? You could have been killed!"

"Ha, the way you say that almost sounds like you care about me!" I cracked. I did my best simpering sweet voice. "But that's not true, is it brother dearest? My amazing older brother, who never once visited me in the hospital last year." I did a little cheerleader clap, before wiping away all traces of emotion. "You're just like _Charlie_." Each word punctured Emmett like a speeding bullet. See, asshole? Charlie loved his work more than us. Like Daddy, like son. No room for the daughter, obviously. No Daddy's little girl badge for me.

His face softened, before he seemed to mentally shake it off and turn back into Emmett Asshole. Yeah, Rosalie, let's pretend I didn't see you pinching him to shut up. Stupid cow.

I took in a deep breath, trying to remain happy on what remained of my alcohol consumption. I refused to sober up right there and then.

"Emmett, you're a giant. Like Jakey Wakey! Right, Wakey? Oh em gee, you guys could be pimps together!" I clapped my hands together, and looked down to the groaning Jacob who had flung his hands over his face. I clapped some more. Yeah, I had no idea where all that shit just came from . . . oh well, I like it.

"Come on, Bellsy." Emmett scooped me up off the floor, and I waved at Jacob's hunched form from my brother's arms.  
>"Later Jakey Wakey! I love you, muh pimp!" I giggled furiously, and nestled my head into Emmett's shoulder. As much as I hated my brother, I really had missed him. He headed up the stairs and laid me down in my bed.<p>

"Emmy," I slurred. "You never call me Bellsy anymore. You used to always call me Bellsy. I missed that." I gave him a drunken frown.

"Bella, you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying." Emmett sighed, looking down at my small frame.

I shot him a confused look. "If I said I was a slut, would you say you knew what I was saying?"

"'Night Bella," Emmett mumbled, ignoring my question. Just as the door closed, I scrambled for the end of my bed and dug out the journal hidden there.

_May 15__th__, 2008._

_Swet, wait, sweeeet home Alabama! Did I spell that right? Ahaha, I don't care now. Emmett called me Bellsy again! Yeah, man! Super-duper tall dude actually called me Bellsy. My new dealer Jakey Wakey, or Jacob Black, or whatever, I like his name 'pimp' better, is an awesome pimp. We got drunk, dude. Like hammer smashed. I want to vomit right now. But damn, that was fun. For once, I actually felt alive that entire night. Who knew that was possible?_

A/N: Don't forget to review and tell me what you think, much appreciated!


	4. Starting Confrontations

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy.

Chapter Four

"UGH!" I screamed loudly into my pillow. My head! So fucking sore! UGH, UGH, UGH! I felt my head literally throb as I tripped out of my bed and crashed into the bedside table. I groaned as more pain bombarded my senses. I dragged my hand up lazily; slapping it against the drawer and yanking it open with as much fervour I could muster. My muscles refused to cooperate and instead played dead. With a frustrated growl, I slapped my arm hard and I hissed in pain. I repeatedly bashed my hand against the wood, willing it for it to open. Finally, I was able to pull open the drawer and fish out some Tylenol for my grinding headache.

It was early in the afternoon, and I was able to enjoy the peacefulness of the house as I basked in a warm, calming shower. As I exited the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of the 'E' pendant resting between my shoulder blades.

Hurriedly, I rushed to my room in my haste to change. I ended up with my usual black skinnies, a random black and white band-tee that I slipped a black zip up hoodie over. The two Tylenol I had dry-swallowed just a while ago were yet to activate, and my patience was wearing thin with these unreliable drugs. I decided to ignore my hangover as best as I could, and I wondered how the hell I got so drunk last night. All I remembered was entering the bar with my new dealer, Jacob and a small conversation about his last name as 'Black' and something about Cheetos. A vague memory of scribbling in my diary about the events of the nights before slipping into a sleep slumber managed to reveal itself. The small feeling of satisfaction matched the scene in front of me as I remembered Jake. I picked up my diary that had clattered to the floor yesterday and flicked to the last page, determined to find out just what happened last night.

_May 15__th__, 2008_

_Swet, wait, sweeeet home Alabama! Did I spell that right? Ahaha, I don't care now. Emmett called me Bellsy again! Yeah, man! Super-duper tall dude actually called me Bellsy. My new dealer Jakey Wakey, or Jacob Black, or whatever, I like his name 'pimp' better, is an awesome pimp. We got drunk, dude. Like hammer smashed. I want to vomit right now. But damn, that was fun. For once, I actually felt alive that entire night. Who knew that was possible?_

Well, shit. How drunk was I last night? My brows furrowed at the thought of Emmett calling me by my nickname. I groaned at the thought of my pimp talk. I knew watching a gangsta rap video on repeat for three days straight wasn't a healthy idea. Why the fuck did I write sweet home Alabama? I fucking hated that song. I hoped Emmett didn't pull any crappy Doctor Phil shit about last night. I threw my diary back underneath my bed and picked up my phone. I scrolled down my contacts list and hesitantly my finger hovered over the 'talk' button. Taking in a deep breath, I punched at it and the dials began. Jacob answered after the first three rings.

"Hey," I heard him rasp. "Who's this?"

"Bella," I stated tiredly, my hangover grappling at my forehead with uninhibited ferocity.

"Bella!" he tried his best to screech excitedly over the phone.

"Jacob!" I mocked his enthusiasm, fighting off the urge to bang my head to make the pain go away.

"I have a fucking massive hang over," he complained, groaning in the process to prove his point.

"Welcome to the club, dude," I said dryly. "Hey, I know this is kind of random, but do you remember anything about uh, 'Sweet Home Alabama' last night?"

The line went quiet. The silence didn't last long; shattered by Jacob's loud laughter.

"What?" I asked. "Do you remember?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I sort of recalled us hollering out that song and then something about hitting a mail box. Oh, and you called your brother a pimp and shouted the alphabet backwards. You seriously need to teach me that!" He sounded like an excited little kid. I sat on my bed, mortified. I always did embarrassing shit when I'm drunk.

I changed the subject, internally shivering at the thought of my brother being Rosalie's pimp. "Where are you?"

"Actually, I can't remember where I am. I just woke up in my truck in front of this huge-ass house and my eyes being rudely assaulted by a crappy red truck next to mine."

"No freaking way!" I exclaimed. "You must have been kicked out last night. You're outside my place. Hey, don't hate the truck!"

I heard Jacob laugh once again. "Awesome, I'll meet you at the door, yeah?" He was still chuckling a little as he hung up. I had a grin stuck on my face as I leapt off my bed. Finally! My truck had arrived. No more subways for me!

I ran out of my room, anticipating the quiet house and the guy waiting outside for me.

In the process of my haste, I managed to bump into something wet and trip over my own feet. Just as I was about to smack my face into the floor, iron arms tugged me into a chest. My eyes fluttered open, and I nearly blanched at the sight of Edward holding me, nothing but a towel hanging loosely around his waist. Why is it that every time I see him he's shirtless? And what the hell was he doing here in the first place; let alone having a . . . shower?

"Watch where you're going, asshole," I spat. Damn, even that took me by surprise. I watched for a split second as Edward's face took on a look of astonishment before I pushed my way out of his arms and ran hurriedly down the stairs, when really, I just wanted to bolt back up there and stay in the embrace for eternity. I yanked the door open. "Jake!" I screamed happily. His arms were outstretched, but I shrugged away from him slightly, turning my body away. I didn't deserve his touch.

I bit my lip. "Wait here, I'll be back. I have to . . . go get something. And by something, well, you know what I mean." Jacob nodded in understanding, leaning up against the doorframe. I gave him a backwards glance as I trudged back up the stairs. The last thing I saw before completely disappearing from sight were his eyes gawking around the place, his mouth hanging open in awe.

I locked myself in my room and crushed some oxycontin with a candle. Dealing with Edward so suddenly like that in the hallway fucking hurt. My eyes watered at the thought of everyone around me. Drugs still wasn't going to cut it. Another line wedged itself between two scabs, bleeding profusely. Trembling, I bandaged up my bleeding wrist, and tried to maintain composure before heading back downstairs.

I was a surprised to see Rosalie speaking to a sombre looking Jake, let alone inside the house. I thought they had gone out ages ago. Judging by Jacob's expression of scepticism, I took that whatever she was saying wasn't pleasant at all.

"She's a walking STD. I suggest you stay the hell away from her STD's infested face," I heard Rosalie's bitchy voice spat.

Oh, fuck no. That stupid little bitch!

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed to Rosalie's back. She spun around on her eight inch heels, towering over me with a perfectly shaped arching eyebrow and a sneer playing on her plump, reddened lips.

She gave me a sinister smile before opening those fish lips of hers. "I'm simply explaining to your _friend_ here," she gave Jacob an appraising look, and I fought back the vomit. "How much of a backstabbing slut you are. Not to mention how you slept with your so called best friend's boyfriend and cheated on your own boyfriend. I gave him a head's up, too. We wouldn't want this fine gentleman to catch STD's off of you if you force him into bed, now would we?"

She gave me a simpering sweet smile. I offered her a death glare in return. She threw her head back, peals of laughter sounding choked echoing out of her throat. My vision was clouded red as I reared my fist back, intending to right hook her to death. With just centimetres separating my fist from her wide eyes, Jacob snatched my hand back.

I looked at him a with my best 'what-the-fuck?' look. He gave me a pointed look, and inclined his head towards Rosalie's trembling body. I smirked as her fear increased when I made our proximity closer. I heard Jacob let out an exasperated sigh.

"Come on, Bella. Let's just go, okay?" He had to practically drag me out of the room and pull me into a different one.

Once I willed myself to calm down a little bit, I faced Jacob. "I'm sorry you had to hear all of that. I've made some mistakes . . ." My voice trailed off and I glanced down at the carpet. "But that was in the past," I finished hesitantly, daring to meet his eyes.

I was surprised by the understanding warmth radiating from him. "Hey, I was going to punch the bitch out myself for bagging you like that. It looked like you beat me to the punch, and I had to stop you because I didn't want to see one of my friend end up in jail over some bitch fight."

My lip slightly quivered. Where the hell did this guy come from? Oh God, I don't think I even deserve to be in his presence.

Noticing my sudden frown, he took his gaze past me and his eyes widened.

"Holy shit, batman," he said in amazement, his jaw dropping.

"What?"

"You have an indoor heated pool AND a Jacuzzi?"

"I do?" I turned around to stare at whatever had caught Jacob's attention. Whoa, I never realised how big this house was. Through a glass window were indeed a pool and a Jacuzzi a few metres away from it.

Without a backwards glance, Jacob and I entered through the door and warm air breathed all over us.

"This is so fucking awesome," I breathed out, dipping down. I let my hands skim the top of the warm water. I eyed the pool with envy as colours emerged from the bottom, making it appear like a frothy rainbow. Unexpectedly, Jacob's arms found their way around my waist. He flung me upwards and held me bridal-style in his muscled arms. I panicked at his touch and bit my lip, trying hard not to show it. 'He won't hurt me,' I chanted to myself silently.

"Into the pool with you," shouted Jacob. Before I could scrabble out of his arms or gnaw my way out I was thrown into the pool. I hurtled downwards into the water, glad that all my electronic belongings were safely pocketed in a different pair of jeans upstairs that I had forgotten still contained them. The water was warm and caressed my skin.

I pushed my way up and my head broke the surface. Jacob's evil smile loomed down on me.

"I'm so getting you back for this," I growled and pounced on his leg. I drug myself up to land, and lay still for a moment. Jacob was laughing at me. He thought I was bluffing, was he? I tackled him into the pool, handling his head and forcing it to stay down for a good five seconds before letting him re-emerge.

"Damn," he spluttered, wiping wet hair out of his face. "You should play for the NFL!"

Screeching and dunking each other in the pool became tiring after an hour, so we retreated out of the room, each towelling ourselves with white fluffy towels.

Jacob had to head back to his place pretty soon to change, since the weather down here was getting hell cold now that we were still wet. I waved at him from the front door before entering the living room to retrieve a bracelet I thought I had lost. I was struck speechless by the numerous pair of eyes darting my way. Everyone was sitting on the various widespread couches, somewhat glaring at my dripping figure.

"Um, hi?" I managed. Rosalie's head snapped up, and I noticed her eyes were rimmed red; it actually looked like she'd been crying.

What the hell was everyone doing home? First Edward and now Rosalie? Now that I thought about Edward, I just realised why he was wet. He must have gone for a swim. Well, it looked like Rosalie had hauled everyone in, judging by everyone looking at her expectantly.

Instead, it was Emmett who spoke. "Bella," he managed through clenched teeth, barely concealed disdain masking his face. "Mum just called. She could barely talk; all I could hear was her crying. And then when I come and come home to confront you about it, I find Rosalie crying. You tried to hurt her."

I glared at my brother. "Yeah, I'm crying inside, too. I'm so sad that I didn't get to punch her in the face."

"This isn't a joke!" Emmett all but yelled at me.

"Emmett, she deserved it," I tried to reason with him. "She called me a walking STD." Honestly, I was sick of taking everything. Jacob was slowly making me feel more confident, just by being in his mere presence, and I was glad.

Alice began to chortle out short bursts of shrill laughter.

"Well it's probably true. There's no doubt that you've slept with more than just a bunch of people." Rosalie grinned at her newfound best friend and they shared a high-five, laughing at me. Edward was looking out of the window with a blank face, his clasped fist resting on Tanya's bare thigh.

Jasper held a Swiss knife in his hand, flicking it out and in, his teeth seemingly clenched and his eyes hardened with grim determination. Before I could bolt, my newfound confidence shattered, Emmett stood in front of me. I didn't know whether he was trying to protect me or humiliate me further as their laughter continued, with snide comments laced in between. He seemed to be debating with himself, his brows furrowed as he glanced at me and then to his bitch of an ass girlfriend. With a sighed resignation, he stepped out of the way.

"I'm fucking sick of this life," I whispered to myself. I didn't think anyone heard me. Their laughter continued. A new choking laughter was suddenly heard. I didn't need to whip around to know who. From the sound of drowning cats, it didn't take a genius to realise that it was Tanya.

I couldn't take it anymore. Without another word spoken, I brushed past the rigid form of my brother, and swept down the icy footpath towards my truck. I hurled myself inside, and nearly fell back out.

_I'm coming for you soon, Bella. You better be prepared._

I gazed at the slip of paper, transfixed in unhindered terror. He knew where I was. He must've if he left it in the truck before Mum shipped it here. Or what if Phil shipped it here? No . . . I was horrified frozen.

No one could save me now.

I fumbled with my keys, hyperventilating as I stuck it in the ignition. My hands trembled against the steering wheel, and I involuntarily tightened my grip. I pressed hard down on the gas pedal and shot out of the neighbourhood as fast I could, all the while stifling back the tears that threatened to drown me.

"You're a walking STD," my mind screamed at me, flashing images of Rosalie's haughty face as she looked down at me.

Jacob's smiling face mingled with Rosalie's, his laughter ringing in my ears.

Phil's bruising grip came in tidal waves as I reminisced. His disgusting hot breath against me, his brutal force, his leering face, everything.

The times from when I was little and Emmett used to hurt anyone who hurt me hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no stopping the saltiness staining my cheeks and the wails that forced my mouth to cry out. The grief and sorrow imbedded itself deep within my skin, soaking into my pores, mingling with the cries of my withering heart. Tighter it clenched as an onslaught of memories pulled me under.

And then there was Edward. His smile as he cradled me to his chest. His feather touches as he caressed my face. His lips sealed to mine, promising me that he'd be mine forever. The whispered I love you at night as he held me close. His eyes as he promised me his heart, his soul.

Too much, I moaned internally. I pulled over.

I screamed into my hands. I clawed at my seat. I ripped at my hair. I cried for my haunted life.

I just wanted it to end.

Eyes closed, foot firmly placed over the gas pedal. I was ready.

Eyes clamped shut. . . I slammed my foot down.

(A/N:) Don't forget to review and tell me what you think, should I continue?


	5. Beyond the Unexpected

**Author's note: So, um, I'm planning to kinda abandon this story, I feel insecure over it already, iunno, it's a personal thing, low self-esteem? Eh.**

**Thanks for the reviews and stuff, first time and all, if only you guys knew how old I actually am, haha. It's sort of nerve-wracking to write this, so I probably won't update for a while, like a month or so, depending if people actually end up reading this story. :/ **

**I'm not really sure about this chapter, some of it didn't even make sense, even to myself, so feel free to ask questions and I'll try my best to answer it. Um, well, I'm sort of rambling now, so please, read along. It's a fairly long chapter. Pretty please review! I feel actual so insecure over this story, I don't know what to do with it. :/**

Chapter Five

Horns blared as I felt myself rush by with a jolt of adrenaline, accompanied by numerous amounts of voices screaming out profanities. Why hadn't I hit anyone yet? Was I already dead?

A wail suddenly sliced through the air. Oh shit. I blinked my eyes open and gulped as the red and blue light behind me flashed dangerously close. All thoughts of suicide completely vanished out of my mind, instead replaced by the image of me popping pills. Shit, I think I was still high. Was I still high?

I imagined myself nibbling at chains for the rest of my life as I pulled over to the side of the road. I'm not high, I tried to think. They're just pain meds. Nothing else. They won't notice. I'll act perfectly normal.

I could hear the gravel crunching under the male officer's boot and resisted the urge to gulp comically.

"If I could just take a quick look at your license and registration, please," he enquired as his eyes darted to my face behind his sunglasses. I tried to keep my hands steady as I rummaged through my compartments. My hand slightly trembled as I handed him my registration. Oh shit, please do not notice that, I begged mentally.

"Wait a minute . . ." He looked at me suspiciously. Oh, Lord fuck a duck! I am so dead. "You're Isabella Swan." I assessed him up and down, searching for some sort of physical handicap that affected him when he was a child. Was he retarded? Who else could I be, Captain Obvious? "You don't happen to be related to –"

"Charlie Swan? Yes, I'm his daughter." I kept my voice as curt as possible, masking my contempt as I spoke my father's name. Charlie was more than just a chief in the Police World, he was a freaking legend.

"Huh, he never mentioned he had kids," the officer pondered. Yeah, he doesn't believe nor care about the existence of his own children.

Even though I expected that response, it still hurt for someone to confirm it straight to my face.

"I'll let you off with a warning," the officer said. I guess that was one of the perks of having a legendary/legacy of a father. Just insert the scoff and eye roll right here.

The officer bent his head down so it was practically inside of my car, and handed me back my papers. As I reached out to take them, he stiffened.

"Get out of the car," he demanded. I looked at him, panicked. I ripped off my seatbelt as he yanked my door open.

"Whoa, what the – hey, hey I'm capable of getting out of a car by myself!" He was about to grab at me, and I glared at him until he backed up and let me out.

When I was finally out of the car, he climbed into the front seat and snatched a pill bottle out of the cup holder. I totally forgot about that. SHIT.

The dude must have had some sort of freaky sensory vision because he thrust the bottle underneath my eyes and nearly snarled. "Drug possession, and not even yours? Maybe you'll be able to tell me who Jane Volturi is when I bring you to the station."

Now, the pros of having Charlie Swan as my father:

Getting away with speeding tickets.

The cons:

Jealous officers desperate to shun Charlie Swan in any way – even if it meant throwing his daughter into jail.

Before I knew what was happening, I was slammed against my car, and my hands were roughly yanked behind my back, bound by tight metal handcuffs.

My breathing became shallow. This man's movements reminded me the way Phil used to handcuff me.

"Don't touch me," I shrieked. He tried to grab a hold of my upper body, and I was painfully pulled into a memory of Phil gripping my body roughly. Viciously, I lashed out of instinct, intending to strike down whoever it was trying to rape me again. Rape me? Oh fuck. I turned my head around slightly. It wasn't Phil, it was just a police officer, who was busily moaning in pain and cupping his crotch. Shit.

Now my list of crimes has increased. First it was speeding, and then it was theft, which turned into drug possession, and now I've just assaulted a fucking police officer where the sun don't shine. Massive fuck-up.

Something along the lines of agony ran up along all of my veins, and I convulsed violently, tumbling to the ground. I let out a small yelp as I tried to regain my equilibrium, but was once again struck down by excruciating pain. The dickhead tased me, twice!

"Stop fucking tasing me!"

"Don't move," he said.

I had already climbed up to my knees, dust covering me, and was once again tased, all before I even registered his words.

I let out a choked cry as I writhed on the dusty ground.

"I need back-up," I heard the officer speak, and a voice crackled back to him questioning his location.

I started quivering as the officer jostled me a little more, through his attempt of 'helping' me up. I stumbled awkwardly against the car, my hands useless behind me.

"No wonder Charlie doesn't talk about you," the police officer muttered to himself. My pent up rage flared dangerously. I would have beaten the shit out of him, but due to my cuffed hands and near immobilised body, it looked like that will just have to wait.

I glared defiantly as I was forced to duck my head into the car. Another car appeared, intending to tow away my truck. With baited breath, I thought out about Phil's note. I exhaled in relief when I realised I had tucked it into my bra.

Once I was led inside the station, officers all around started pointing and laughing.

"Ha-ha, Joe. This little girl took you down!"

"My man, you need to haul your ass back into training!"

The police officer, or Joe, as they called him, shot back, "She's Charlie Swan's daughter."

That shut them up.

Before I left for my mug shot, I couldn't help but have my own little laugh as Joe sagged against the chair, sighing in relief as he held a bag of ice against his pants.

It seemed this defiant nature continued its parade as I stared down the camera, trying hard not to wince at the bright flash. My fingers were tugged at, prodded into ink, and jammed down onto paper before I was thrown inside an empty cell.

God knows how many hours and two hands' worth of bitten nails later, the officer I had kneed, Joe or whatever his name was, arrived, faintly limping. I sniggered into my hand and he countered with a withering look, wrenching the cell open.

"You have one call." His lips stiffened, and I shot him the bird as he whipped around and hobbled away, intending for me to follow him.

I entered a different domain of the station, witnessing a long streak of telephone booths, all preoccupied with orange-suited humans, many with tattoos and painful clamps of piercings. All eyes seemed to turn to my direction, eying my black clothes. Well, another sort of perk of having Charlie Swan as my father – jail is not a permanent thing. And the hideous orange suits weren't mandatory either.

I picked up the phone. I breathed into the receiver, fingers poised at the rows of numbers before me, contemplating as to which I should hit. There was no way I could contact Emmett. He was pissed at me already as it was, and if he found out I was in jail, the fact that I was still his sister still wouldn't matter to him.

Edward briefly flashed into mind, but I quickly shook him out. First off, he obviously couldn't care less about me. And secondly, he was probably fucking his whore.

Renee was still my mother, but after our row that ended in tears and the fact that she had Phil with her, plus her undeniable habit of holding things against me, she was definitely shucked off my list of hopes.

Well, there was one person . . .

The caller answered after the first three rings.

"Sup, Bella?"

"I'm in some serious shit," I declared quietly.

"What? What kind of shit?"

"Dude, I'm in jail."

I heard Jacob take in a sharp breath. "Um, how the fuck?"

I sighed. "I got caught speeding, and then the officer found stolen drugs in the car, _and then_ I kicked the shit out of his testicles for touching me."

"That's my girl," he snorted in laughter.

I ended up giggling myself at the sound of my summary, but found my breath cutting it short. "Shit," I hissed, clutching at my sides.

"What?"

"The freaking cop dude tased me twice," I explained, gasping slightly. The laughter bout must have triggered some sort of nerve, because now it killed to even speak.

"No fucking way, twice?" Jacob cried out incredulously.

"Yeah," I winced. "It's the worst feeling ever. It even hurts to –"

"Talk," Jacob finished.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

A small silence occurred, before Jacob cleared his throat. "Um, well, when I was eight, I messed around with my neighbour's taser, and ended up accidentally tasing myself. I never forgot, 'cause I had cried for three hours after it happened. I'm curious . . . did you cry?"

I wanted to laugh at the image of big bad Jacob as an eight year old and crying, but the pain was just too much.

"No, but I wanted to! I swore like crazy instead."

"Tough bitch," Jacob teased.

I let out a laugh. "Damn it, Jakey, it hurts way too much to laugh."

"Don't sweat it, Bells. I'll be there in a few to pick you up, 'kay?"

Jacob hung up before I could even direct him to my location. 'Let's hope he knows which police station I'm at . . .'

I was escorted away by two police officers this time, clad in casual clothes, rather than the blue uniform. I stifled a sigh as the interrogation room came to my sight. The two officers were gripping my arms tightly, so it was rather hard to clutch at my aching sides. I nearly staggered backwards at the entrance, my eyes widening at who exactly was interrogating me.

"Charlie?"

"Sit." He extended his once clasped fist, gesturing with a rigid finger to a stiff-looking plastic chair. I shot him a glare, hobbling towards it and dramatically dipping backwards so I landed with a dull thud.

"Out of all the things you could've done," Charlie muttered irately, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes cast downward.

I scoffed, crossing my arms. I didn't bother replying to my absentee father. It's not like we've spoken in the past two years. Why start now?

"Illegal drug possession, assaulting an officer like that . . . and that speeding! That was over by sixty kilometres! I thought you being my daughter would at least give you a bit more sense by now!" Charlie was yelling now, outraged.

Well hell, I thought to myself, it's a miracle the truck even went that fast!

His hands were unfurled by his sides, clenching and unclenching after every throb of his vein on his forehead.

I remained mute, immune to his screams. Phil was worse.

"Who gave you the drugs? Did you steal them? Did they offer it to you?" I didn't let my blank gaze waver from his panting face.

"Answer me," he hissed.

I sighed. "I don't know."

"So they just magically appeared in your truck?" Who would've thought my father, police extraordinaire, negligent father, and raging motherfucker, was capable of a rhetorical question in a situation like this, let alone heavy sarcasm?

I decided to have a little fun with this. "Apparently."

Charlie slammed his fists down onto the table in front of me. I watched in amusement as the vein on his forehead pulsed, looking almost ready to burst from exertion. I wish I could whip out a camera at that instant – it was truly a Kodak moment.

"Bella," he seethed. "Do not play smartass with me. Answer me properly!"

I blew a piece of hair out of my face, raising an eyebrow in defiance. "Well, father," I spat at him, beginning to prepare some sort of answer. At this point, I had two options: either rat out Jacob to the police – my father, no less – or take the blame and on a wishful whim, and hopefully be let off.

"I-I stole it from a pharmacy. Is that what you wanted to hear?" I deflated in my seat a little, feigning regret. And boy, did my father eat that shit up. He gave me a satisfied smirk as he crossed the room and stood before me. I was hauled off my ass and onto my feet, Charlie silently dragging me out of the room, that stupid smirk still plastered onto his face.

"Joe, add another count of theft to her record." Joe nodded, masking his puzzled expression as he briskly walked towards his office.

Charlie spun on his heel, eyes now set upon me. His smirk had vanished, replaced by a fuse of anger, just relishing to be unleashed.

"You and I are going to have a small chat, _privately_, in my office."

He didn't grab at my arm this time. I imagined he had noticed my very obvious limp, but decided not to comment on it. Of course he knew what happened; it was mandatory to informed whether the so called criminal or 'suspect' (pfft) had been sedated, tased etc. before being handled. With sullen thoughts revolving around my negligent father, I continued onward, limping.

I reached a leather black chair just in time before my legs buckled in pain. Charlie sat in front of me, a long mahogany desk occupying the vast space between us. He made an obvious point to fold his hands neatly in front of him, haughtily eyeing me.

"Isabelle Mary Swan," he attempted to admonish.

That was fucking it. The bastard had named me, and still didn't have the decency to at least remember it.

"You don't even know me, do you? You don't even know how old I am. Do you even know how old Emmett is? Where he lives, his favourite sports team, hell, anything about him at all? Did you remember what high school I attended? What about my favourite food? Does it ever occur to you that you have CHILDREN? YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW MY MIDDLE NAME!"

Charlie waved his hand in a form of verbal dismissal, as if he was trying to silence my rant that I had been so desperate to deliver for such a long time. He looked back up at me, and noticing my intensified glare and clenched fists, gave me a scrutinising look, as if I were the psycho.

"God, Bella." His hand clamped over the bridge of his nose, and I sensed an air of distress. Good, I thought smugly. Finally.

"You have seventy-eight hours of community service, and a $7,500 fine," he seemed to conclude with a sudden turn to mock enthusiasm.

I balked. "So, when a cop buddy of yours tased me twice, that doesn't seem to bother you at all? Can I really call you my father, _Charlie_?"

"I'll pay your fine." He avoided the subject at hand, rifling through a stack of papers on his table, paying me no heed after his quiet declaration.

"It's like you're considering buying your way back into my life and then throwing me aside straight after."

"Look, Isabella. I need to focus on my work right now, okay? You could have had a much worse father who never worked, and never had the decency to bail you out of jail."

I glared at him, fuming. "That's your excuse? You're pathetic." 

"I am trying very hard at the moment not to lose my patience."

"Instead you'll lose your kids, right?"

"Looks like it will make the two of us then."

He instantly regretted his words as he saw my face.

"You have no right," I trembled. "NO RIGHT, to throw that back into my face. You don't know, no one knows . . ."

"Bella . . ."

I shot out of his office faster than he could speak. I heard the door bang noisily against the doorframe as I ran out of the station and onto the crowded street.

Jacob's Rabbit revved, curbing to a halt in front of me. Sidling to the passenger seat, Jacob's head leaned out of the window. "Get in."

Once safely inside, I was instantly pulled into Jacob's arms. I stiffened beneath him, holding in my breath. He wouldn't hurt me. He proved this already. He was . . . protecting me?

"Bella, I think I know you well enough, even though I haven't known you very long, that you don't cry over something like this. You can tell me anything when you're ready to."

I muffled my cries into his shoulder, holding onto him for dear life. He held me as best as he could, shifting himself over the gearshift and gently pulling my head onto his lap. I tried not to flinch, but relaxed once his hands began to comb over my straight black tresses. His hands were soft, soothing. I tried my best to relax under his touch, amidst my sniffling.

The Rabbit's windows were taking on an onslaught of rain, thunder rumbling off in the distance. The air inside the car was cold and misty, and I huddled into Jacob's surprisingly rock hard stomach.

"It's my dad," I began hesitantly between two hiccups. "Charlie Swan. You've heard of him, right?" Jacob nodded his head in affirmation. "Well, no one knows he has children. He ignores Emmett and me. He can't remember my middle name anymore, let alone my birthday. He's always working . . . and this is the first time in two years that I've seen him. And our reunion is only based on the one thing he loves the most which is his work," I finished bitterly.

I hear Jacob breathing steadily above me, his hands continuing to roam through my hair. "One day, he'll realise his mistake. It may not be today, but in the end he is still your dad, and he knows it."

"But what if he's too late?"

Jacob didn't answer.

"You have a brother?" he asked instead.

"Yeah, Emmett. I'm not sure if you remember him or not, but he was the guy holding the baseball bat. Fairly tall, muscles, brown eyes, curly brown hair?"

There was a moment's pause. "Oh, him. He looks a little bit like you . . . but he acts like a dickhead. Don't take it personally."

I snorted. "I fucked things up with him long ago. Trust me, I don't care anymore." Oh, but I did. Tears recognised my emotions, and I cursed at it silently.

"Well, we better get going. My dad, Billy, he used to be an officer; ended up crashing his car on a speed chase, and now he's in a wheelchair. I have to check on him pretty soon . . ." he trailed off, unsure of what to say. I scooted over to the passenger seat, giving him his privacy as he looked away.

"I understand," I whispered down into my lap. Silence dawned as Jacob re-started the ignition. As he snaked through the ghost of the town, it just occurred to me that I had stayed at the police station for over eighteen hours. It was now ten in the morning.

I couldn't help but compare Jacob's driving ability to Edward's. Whereas Jacob was all sleek and moderate, Edward was speed and mania. Jasper, however, was a perfect mixture of the two, but his rides were always the best when Kings of Leon used to play softly in the background of his Corvette, giving him an eased chill.

After gentle coaxing, I finally admitted to Jacob that I had to be interrogated by my father, of all people.

"Was it hard-core interrogation like in the movies?" he asked curiously.

I chuckled. "Charlie may seem to come across as tough, but he's harmless, really. He just asked about the drugs that I bought from you. Don't worry, I didn't rat you out. I told them I stole them from some random pharmacy in a random town I couldn't remember."

"Thanks Bella." He squeezed my hand, and I fought the urge to flinch away from his grasp.

The twenty-minute drive was finally over as Jacob pulled up to the house.

"Fuck," I cursed, my sides throbbing as I tried to step out of the opened door.

Suddenly Jacob was by my side. "Here, I've got you."

"No, I'm fine, I'm fine," I protested, but he ignored my claims. Gently, he scooped me up, his arms under my knees and waist. He held me bridal-style, just as he had done yesterday during our pool moment. Once again, I had to fight off the urge to flinch. He didn't seem to notice as he carefully let me slide out of his arms and onto the front porch.

We said our goodbyes, and Jacob had given me a ginger hug, which I had actually responded somewhat mildly to, before he left to attend to his ailed father.

My eyes watered as I stumbled towards the kitchen. I shoved a bag of frozen peas under my sweater, exhaling in relief as numbness settled in. Jasper came wandering through the arched door, stopping mid-stride, empty cereal bowl in hand, looking at me strangely.

I should have known by now that Emmett's place was like a sanctuary to all of his 'friends'.

"Are you okay?" Astounded, I searched his face for any malice behind his words. No, he was generally concerned for my wellbeing. Why now, though? What's changed? Was it because I look like murdered shit? I felt so weak.

My eyes were stinging from shed tears, and were most likely blood shot from my lack of sleep, so I did fit the part of a deranged lunatic.

"Why would you care?" I responded tiredly. I honestly wasn't in the mood for another verbal fit.

He opened his mouth, his blue eyes looking startled by the question.

"Bella, I've known you since I was five."

Way to throw it into my face. "And?"

"Look, I get that we aren't the best of friends –"

"We used to be," I pointed out, my voice pained.

Jasper looked down, ashamed. "But everything is so different now."

I didn't bother to scoff; I was in too much pain.

"Even if we haven't spoken for three years, I still know you. Jezebel, you're hurting. For my stupid negligence, just – just let me help you, please?" My heart skipped a beat. He called me Jezebel. It had been too long that I had been without that name slipping from his mouth.

"I ran into Charlie." My voice faltered, and I slipped down onto a stool, my head ladled with emotions. Jasper came towards my side, his very presence beginning to comfort me. More emotions swirled, tangling with each other, creating a mess. God, why was I even telling him this? It's not like he'd care. No one cared, he made it perfectly clear.

I felt a pair of warm hands cradle my head. I froze, feeling frightened. "Jasper?" I squeaked. "What are you doing?"

I felt myself being pulled into a familiar embrace. "Shh," he soothed. Like a freight train, I thought to myself. Everything was hurtling towards me so fast, I was afraid I'd stumble and fuck everything up again. Did Jasper actually care? I couldn't hold them back anymore. Tears fell, but didn't penetrate Jasper's Italian leather jacket.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair. I nearly fucking chocked, just inhaling him, his familiar scent involuntarily clouding my mind and easing my thoughts. I was hurtling, falling. Down to my destruction? I did not know.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I can't believe I've been so blind," he muttered angrily to himself, his arms tightening around my waist.

"I know I haven't been there for you . . . but fuck, I've been trying so hard. Alice has changed, you know?" I nodded into his shoulder, for his sake. For my sanity. "I'm sorry I've ignored you. I still want to be a part of your life. I want to be your best friend again. I'm sorry, Jezebel. I'm so sorry."

I cried harder. "I'm not going to become like Charlie. I won't do what he did." He knew about Charlie's neglect. He _cared_ about _me_. "Jazzy," I cried. It was like something was throttling my throat. This emotion, it constricted me. I couldn't help but cling to Jasper. He was finally here. "You won't leave me?"

"Never."

"I miss my best friend, Jazzy." Tears dripped off of my chin, and all I could feel was Jasper.

"I'll make it up to you, Jezebel. I promise." I never wanted to let go of him. My anchor. Mine. My Jazz. He was back. He can't leave now.

"What the fuck?" I whipped my head around to find Alice, her whole body taut with anger. A rubber band somewhere in the pit of my stomach snapped. No. No, this was all wrong. I had to let go. I had to drop back into the shadows. Just like always. I had to let go. I had to stop being a burden. I tried to pull away, but Jasper's grip tightened.

"You fucking slut!" she screamed, making herself finally noticed by an oblivious Jasper. He let go of me, and I knew my fate had come. He instantly turned, his icy eyes fixed on Alice's fuming pixie figure.

"Come on Jasper, get away from the hooker. She'll try and sleep with you just like she did Phil. And ruin you like she did Edward."

The truth. The truth hurt. I wanted to fucking hurl. These were spewed lies and the truth hurt, knowing that Jasper will believe her and leave me. Break his promises like he always did.

"Alice, _shut up_."

A deadly silence ensued. My jaw went slack, and I refused to twitch a single muscle, afraid I'd set off world war three accidentally.

"_Excuse me_?"

Jasper stood his ground against the midget. "You heard me. How about you do as I say for a change?"

She stood there, mouth agape. Her eyes turned to slits, finding their way to mine.

"You," she hissed. "You've turned him against me. What did you do, you slut witch?"

I was angry. I was scared. I was fucking nervous as fuck. Jasper would either walk away or fight now. I'd either just stand here or do something. My leg was outstretched, my intending notion to go over there and just round hook her, I was just so fucking confused, that I didn't know whether to cry or scream at her. Jasper's arm held me back by my waist. My breath stopped. He had chosen.

Me.

"Jezebel," the wind that carried his voice into my ear nearly made me shudder. Jasper cared, Jasper cared. He cared. My best friend finally cared again. Jasper was finally coming back alive. And I wasn't going to let that bitch kill him again.

"I'll handle this," he told me, holding me close. I felt my cheeks redden slightly. I forgot how protective he was. It felt like home.

"Alice, for a long time, I always questioned your behaviour. I remembered a time when you and Bella used to be good friends. When I used to treat Bella as my Jezebel, you were fine with it. When this shit with Rosalie and Edward went down, you changed. You acted like a downright bitch to Jez. Whenever I tried to defend her all those years ago, you always threatened that you'd break up with me. I was blinded by puppy love back then. I chose you over my best friend, in hopes that you'd change. Here you are, still the same as you were three years ago. You haven't changed, and you never will.

"Look at the way all of you have been treating Bella. Isn't it finally enough? I am so sick of sitting back and watching all of you treat her like a piece of shit. Ever thought of that asshole, Phil? You never threw it back into his face. Always my Jezebel. I'm through with all of it. I'm done. With you, with your snide, bratty nature, with everyone. It's over."

One of the most piercing screams wailed through the air, shattering my ear drums. Alice stomped her foot angrily, like a petulant little brat.

"You want to choose that stupid whore over me? Are you fucking blind as a bat? She's a no-good cheat! She cheated on Edward! Our friend! On Rosalie! Our friend and your freaking twin sister! What the hell do you see in Bella out of all people?"

"If I remember correctly," Jasper spoke calmly. "Did you or did you not cheat on me last year? Did I or did I not forgive you after you apologised?"

She looked speechless, her eyes bulging. She stuttered something incoherent, and fled from the kitchen. I was slightly in shock. I bet no one knew Alice cheated on Jasper.

"Jazzy . . ." I was at loss for words. Was this real? Would I wake up with Rosalie and Alice hanging over me, laughing hysterically as they dangled my chopped hair in front of my face? Am I tied to a train track as I speak, undergone sleeping pills and wake up by my bones crushing before a horrible death? My Jasper. He chose me. He was back.

"Don't say anything, Bella. Come on, you look like you've been through hell and back. Let's get you into bed. Sleep in all day, remember? Just like we used to when we were kids."

His eyes met mine. Everything I couldn't say, everything he couldn't say, was just said.

I was calm. I missed this feeling. I smiled at him, taking his offered hand. He led me to my room, and patiently waited as I grabbed my toiletries and headed for the shower. He even waited for me outside of the bathroom, and slung his arm over my freshened form as I exited, just like he used to. It felt like a lifetime when I had been at such ease.

"Come on." He opened my bedroom door, ushering me onto my bed, and closed the door behind him, leaving it unlocked. I climbed under my black and purple bed sheets, savouring that feeling of crispiness and coolness that washed over me.

Jasper stood next to the bed, and began to shed his clothes. I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Scoot over," he requested, standing before me in silky black boxers. Last time I saw him like this was when he was seventeen. I guess three years can change a lot. His treasure trail of fine blonde hair had become more prominent. His curved V that ran parallel to his treasure trail was deeper indented than the last time I saw. Annihilation

Before, his abdomen had faint muscles, a six pack barely visible against his tan skin. Now, his abs was far more defined, forming a very nice-looking eight pack. His pectorals were firm and from what I could tell, hardened with muscle. A light sheen of hair stood in between his two pecks, proving just how much he had changed from a seventeen year old boy to a twenty year old man.

I did as he said, and he joined me, his body pressing against mine. Even when I used to date Edward and Alice had made her attraction clear for Jasper, we still slept in the same bed. We've done so since I was four and he was five. Even our age gap didn't hold us back in high school. It's not like anyone knew about it, except for my 'ex-friends' and brother.

I smiled fondly to myself in the somewhat darkness, the sun slightly slanting through the curtains. There was a time when Emmett used to threaten Jasper, and I quote, "Try any shit on my sister, I will personally disembowel you with an antique pocket knife and feed you to ravenous African children. Do I make myself clear?" It was a memorable sight – Jasper, a lean, wiry boy, nodding his head obediently at a leering muscled-up Emmett. It panged me as I remembered a nearly exact same speech being pulled onto Edward when we became a couple.

I nearly whimpered when Jasper wrapped his arms around me. I hadn't experienced such gentle affection for quite a bit now. It felt so new to me; almost foreign. As if sensing my surprise, he tightened his grip, embracing me into his muscled arms.

I tentatively laid my head on his chest, reminding myself that this was Jasper, not Phil or Edward. He wouldn't hurt me like Phil, nor would he kiss me like Edward. He would hold me as Jasper, my best friend.

Inhaling him all around me was like myself being beckoned home. Reminiscences of being in this exact same spot as I had done so when I was younger were painful but soothing all the same. It was a reminder that Jasper still knew me. Still cared. He hadn't given up just yet.

"Jazzy," I whispered into his skin. "Why now? Why not three years ago?"

He knew exactly what I was talking about. "I thought they would change. And at the start . . . I was angry at you, Jez. My sister was hysterical and Edward was one of my best friends, too, and you hurt both of them. It was so hard. They were making me choose sides. It was either you or them. And – and," he faltered, inhaling sharply.

"I chose them because I held a belief in my head that all of this would blow over. I remember you walking around the house before the first year passed. I couldn't look at you, let alone speak to you. I was ashamed that I chose them over you.

"When you left without a goodbye to me or anyone, I believed that I was too late. That my cowardice had taken away my best friend. I felt that you hated me, and I stayed away, because truthfully, I was just too ashamed as I had been from the very start.

"A year past, then two, and still no word from you. No text message, no phone call, no nothing. I didn't know your whereabouts, and when I had the urge to call you just to check on you, Alice somehow knew. She spent all of her time with me at that point, barely letting me out of her sight. She turned hateful after what happened between you and . . . Phil. She'd never tell me why. I just sort of grew attached to her, and she me, but when you returned and I saw you . . . you changed. So much that it scared me. Straight black hair, black clothes, and no book in sight. I felt personally responsible, and I was so relieved that you were back. But then the shame crept back in when everyone else gave you shit, and I didn't do anything about it, until now. I'm just glad you want me back into your life. This time, Alice and everyone else can't make me choose. This time, I won't abandon you."

"I believe you, Jazz. I trust you."

His hands ran through my black hair, and I was beginning to miss my old curly mess of brown hair.

"Sleep now, Jezebel," he murmured. "I'll always be here. It will be just like it used to be."

Inside I was crying. I was lost. This had to be a dream. My best friend back in my life, wanting to be a part of my life, forever. Is that even possible anymore? This had to be a nightmare. In disguise. Jasper was back.

I pinched myself. Jasper was really here, next to me, holding me, whispering into my ear, making up for three years lost. He chose me. Jasper was my anchor, and I wasn't bound to the bottom of the seas any longer. He freed me.

Euphoria. That's what it felt like. In his arms. I was in Jasper's, - my best friend, my saviour, my everything – arms. Slumber graced me, reassuring that this was reality, that tomorrow would be a new day, that Jasper was with me now, and that my smile was real for once.

**Don't forget to review! Probably won't upload again until I have a few more reviews.. not really sure where I should go with this story. Not sure if you guys like the small little twists I attempted to do with Jasper there? Tell me what you think! I've got the next chapter planned, it involves Edward and Emmett with Bella and Jasper… but you guys could drop me a few ideas and I might take a few into consideration? Much appreciated if you guys could! x**


	6. Lost

A/N:

Sorry that I haven't uploaded for such a long time, I apologise profusely! But I'm really unsatisfied with this story and I will probably pull it down in the next month or so, and edit each chapter before re-posting it. It depends how this chapter goes. Enjoy my crappy writing and abuse me as much as you want through reviews, you're welcome to it, I swear. Any criticism is better than none.

Chapter Six

I could hear yelling. Disoriented, I snuggled further into my warm pillow. It smelled delicious, and familiar. Jasper. Warm and soothing; everything that I had missed. I didn't want to wake up and break from this little sanctuary of peace I finally found. However, that voice…

"Bella," somebody growled in my ear. It was not Jasper.

It took a moment for me to adjust my eyesight, and I turned ever so slightly in Jasper's sheltered grasp to glance over his naked shoulder.

I nearly jumped and balked when I saw that it was Edward. His emerald pools seemed to shine in the darkened room, and I glanced at the window, confoundedly. There was no light outside. I looked slightly past Edward's head, wondering if this was a dream, to see that the time was ten at night. It must be a dream; Jasper was still here.

I was still tired, unsure whether this was a dream or reality, and asked the most obvious question I could think of at that point as I stared at Edward quizzically.

"What do you want?"

"What do I want?" he hissed disbelievingly, broadening my confusion. Jasper stirred next to me. His arms tightened and drew me closer, and finally, I realised that this was not a dream, but indeed reality. My misperception turned into alarm when Edward strode over to my side of the bed; his feet hammering above the tiled floor heatedly. My breath caught in my throat.

"Alice told me about you wrecking her and Jasper's relationship. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't think you'd stoop that low . . . and yet, I walk in and find this!" His breathing laboured, body rigid, teeth clenched; I questioned my fate. Had Edward had enough of me just like Phil? Would he seize me and initiate whacks and blows until I bled and shrieked for mercy? I held onto Jasper tightly.

It was happening again. This time, it was going to be Edward, not Phil. I was sure of it. Or was I? Edward wouldn't hurt me, he wouldn't go that far. Nevertheless, a part of me screamed relentlessly, reminding of how much he had done in the past, what was going to stop him now? No. I could not – this could not – I wanted to fucking scream. I wanted Jasper to save me.

"Please," I croaked. "It's not what it looks like -"

"Bullshit it's not." He was livid.

The freight train struck. Smashing into me and ending everything.

"Why must you fuck it up for them, too? Wasn't my heart enough for you to destroy?"

His words were scathing. Every word stabbed me in the gut brutally. Was he going to punish me like Phil would just for existing? I wanted to make it stop. I could not bear to move, to utter anything to defend myself. I was nobody, hopeless, nauseating. The freight trains, they were coming from every direction; the sound of the tracks screeching under the ferocity and momentum as they hurtled towards me. The collision was devastating. Memories spilled from the damage and I relived every single one of them, trapped in a nightmare, my screams muted to the real world.

"What the fuck is this?" Jasper's scratchy voice broke the descent of sickening silence that had sprung between Edward and me. I let air rush back into my lungs, glad that he was finally awake. Edward had not noticed my streaked face and quivering lip until Jasper had flicked on the bedside lamp. Edward appeared astounded and . . . guilty by my tears? Upon Jasper noticing, he covered his surprise and pulled me closer, in hoping to comfort me. The last time the two of them had seen me cry was when I was fifteen and Emmett had been in a car crash. I rarely cried.

"What did you do to her, Edward?" Jasper's voice was quiet. A mere whisper that promised menace.

I did not want to hear either of their voices. I felt sick and overwhelmed. Jasper's body heat dominated the bed, and I was stricken under Edward's gaze. Phil and Edward's face blurred. It was growing difficult to distinguish the two apart, I was mortified and terrified. I was disgusting.

"I did nothing to her. She is the one who fucked me over first, and now Alice! How about what you have done, huh? I find this!" His face was one of rage, and Phil's features showed more clearly. I was losing it.

"I'm doing what I should've done a long time ago, been here for Jezebel! She didn't fuck Alice and I over, God damn it, Edward. Did you know Alice cheated one me last year? I forgave her! And you know why? Because she was fucking shit scared that she would be rejected just like Bella! Bella makes _one fucking mistake_, her first ever, and you hold it all against her. How about what we have done to her, Edward! We've shunned her, ignored her. What happened to us? How about what _we have_ done for once?"

Edward fell silent. He was dazed.

My fear grew unbearable. I couldn't take this anymore.

"Please," I croaked hoarsely, my palm flattening against Jasper's heaving chest. "Don't do this. I'll leave. No more burden for you to carry around."

I shoved half-heartedly at Jasper, but he would not budge. "I'm not leaving you, Jezebel," he said determinedly. "I promised, remember?"

"But I never promised to stay," I whispered despondently.

I couldn't bear to look up at him as I slid off the bed slowly.

"Jezebel, wait."

Jasper tugged at my pyjama top, and managed to pull off the flimsy material that was unbuttoned, leaving me in just a white singlet. I whirled around at the sound of their gasps. "Bella," Jasper choked out. "W-what is – where did you – oh God." He faltered, his eyed widening and his mouth opened in silent horror.

I caught the sight of Edward falling to his knees, tears in his eyes. Suddenly, I began to tremble violently and my tears mirrored Edward's. Our eyes met, and something happened. He was crying for me**. **_Did he still care for me? _No, he couldn't – there was no way – he hated me. I was useless. Nothing to him.

"Bella," Edward whimpered, reaching out for me suddenly. I leaped away. I hated myself. They couldn't see me like this. I scrambled towards Jasper, who appeared to be shell-shocked, his stare lingering on my arms, the multiple bruises and cuts, the discolouring, the old and new scars, large and small, straight and jagged, all on display. I felt naked and dirty.

Disgusting whore. Sickening. I frantically grabbed my shirt, but Jasper snatched it away from my grasp. He was trembling. He looked so broken as his own tears appeared.

My own lips began to quiver. I felt the rivulets of shame prick my eyes again, and felt them slide. I was an emotional wreck.

"Why, Bella?" Jasper whispered. He made no move to wipe the tears from his face. His lower lip was still quivering, and all I can sense from him was fear. Was he scared of me? Horrified of me? Was I that disgusting?

"I'm sorry," I cried out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I was sorry for being like this. I was a liar, a whore, a disgusting piece of shit that Phil liked to abuse and use. I was worthless to anyone.

Jasper and Edward were both coming towards me. Their footfalls were loud and approaching behind me. I spun around, terrified, causing my back to hit the wall next to the door hard. Wincing at the sensation that was overcoming my senses, I crossed my arms, trying my hardest to hide it all. Hide me and hide my scars and all of those fucking reminders.

Edward was the first to reach me. He crouched down to meet me at eye-level. I whimpered loudly and felt trapped as I buried my head into my pulled up knees and cowered underneath my arms.

"Bella . . ." he whispered imploringly, brokenly. My name, my wretched fucking name, used in so many tones, all the fucking time. I hated my name, it was a dog's call that Phil barked at me constantly, to remind whose bitch I was.

Edward reached out to take hold of me. I began to scream for my fucking life. I didn't want to be touched. I wanted to burrow underneath the ground and hide. Edward flinched and Jasper panicked.

I screamed violently. Someone had me in his or her grasp. I was trapped. My screams turned to pleas of forgiveness, grovelling that I'd be good, just like I always did to Phil. I dropped to a whisper, knowing that Phil would strike me if I screamed. I bit my lip till I fell silent, and stopped struggling. I'd only make it worse for myself. Either way I was going to die. Phil was going to kill me when he found me. He was going to make me pay for causing trouble that I had created amongst Emmett and his 'friends'. Or _they_ were going to kill me. Everyone that I had once considered friends would kill me for ruining everything once again and disrupting their peace.

These hands were gentle, caressing in a somewhat soothing manner, and yet I felt dirty, used. Repulsive. My thrashing about had re-opened the cuts. I felt the blood seep through my skin and the bruises burn all over my body. My abdomen was still very sore from the taser treatment, and I thought I was going to pass out. My body felt weak and clammy.

Light was spotting my vision when I finally decided to look up. The room was disoriented and it was difficult to hear. I could make out faint screaming, yet I knew it was coming right behind me, from the person holding me.

"Jasper! Get Emmett, she's bleeding everywhere! We need to get her to the hospital!" The voice belonged to Edward, as far as I could tell.

My blurry vision caught sight of a lean and tall figure that looked a lot like Jasper sprinting out of the doorway.

I could hear another distant scream from downstairs, it sounded like a plea.

My pains were murderous, aching like there was no tomorrow. I felt so weak; I didn't have the heart to fight out of Edward's soft embrace. All I could feel was a wet substance that kept dripping onto my shoulders, and I was not too sure, but it sounded like Edward was sobbing. Maybe it was a trick, it could've been my imagination. Yes, that had to be it. I smiled to myself, in a daze, my eyes closing. Edward didn't love me anymore. No one loved me anymore. I was going to die.

"Oh God, what have I done?" Edward's voice cracked. I was pulled closer to him, his hand crushing mine suddenly. Everything ached, everything was on fire. Even if Edward hated me, in this moment, it didn't matter. I was clutching his hand, he was holding mine back. Maybe I could die happy? All I wanted was out of this nightmare.

I wanted nothing more than to be forgiven. To be accepted again. But maybe it was too late for redemption. I was going to die sooner or later. I couldn't breathe properly. The images of Phil thundered in and out of my subconscious, the pleas of Edward loud and the cries of Jasper calling for Emmett literally murderous.

Emmett. My brother. He used to be my saviour. Where was he now?

I had no choice but to submit to the darkness that suddenly claimed me.


End file.
